My boyfriend is a foot shorter than me…

I find that my colleagues love my husband. When they meet him, they do a high five with a YoBo, and then they all burst into a good laugh. Yo is a greeting, and BO are hubby’s initials. Until one day, I found them making a face after the high five, and I learnt that the BO they are referring to is his Body Odour. I agree he’s got an awful BO problem, but, trust me, BO (my hubby) is awesome, the BO (body odour) notwithstanding. A friend told me that I may like to go to a doctor to see if he’s suffering from some minor problem (tummy, skin etc). What kind of doctor should I go to?

Sniff Sniff… I know exactly how you feel about this darling.. Don’t take all these sundry comments to heart. Let the world say what it has to. For you he is your own, no matter what fragrance he emanates!

Love is blind. It also tends to numb all the senses.

Anyway that is senseless. For now, you must be the good girl and take care of this problem. Give him a bath twice a day, powder him well, avoid giving him spicy food and all those pickles. Buy some nice-nice deodorants for him

(Brut is good!) and just freak out with them.

Soon, he will smell like ‘Lalbaug’ in ‘Namma Bengaluru’. Full or mixed aromas, some spicy, some woody and some heady. Then you can flaunt him around like a portable green house! No one will say anything. They will all be busy smelling. Simple isn’t it dear?

Dr Know’s Gyaanology:  Please do understand that your husband is suffering from a common problem which in medical parlance is known as BO, Short for Bromhidrosis Osmidrosis. This is the origin of the abbreviation BO.

No, BO isnt short for Body Odour!

This is essentially a perceived unpleasant smell our bodies emanate when bacteria thriving on the skin break down sweat into acids.

This odour is really the result of bacteria breaking down proteins into different acids. This can be  prevented and managed well through some diet regimen and hygiene practices. Wearing clothing that allows the skin to breathe and for the sweat to evaporate rapidly is also recommended.

You may consult your General Physician for advice or go direct to a dermatologist who will be more than happy to suggest the ideal course of action for BO (Bromhidrosis, Osmidrosis)

 

My boyfriend is at least a foot shorter than me, but he’s a fun guy. Doing very well in life. But the other day, my sister told me that people mock at our pairing given that he’s so short (5’) and I am so tall (5’ 11). Now I can’t even get his height increased, and I can’t get myself to be shorter. How do I tackle this societal problem?

How does it matter baby? If you are in love with him nothing else matters. You and me make the society after all, so just ignore all that. Don’t forget even at the height of your problem, its still less than a foot! But yes, there are some logistical issues that you may encounter.

The sutras in your kama will need suitable modification basis the variance in altitude. As Amitji would say “the coefficient of the linear is always directly proportional to the haemoglobin in the atmosphere.” For more detailed explanation on the above, please feel free to inbox askdrknow@pune365.com.

Dr Know’s Gyaanology: No worries dear. For now, you can manage with a folding stool for all the other activities and social gatherings. 

Baby, it’s all in the mind finally. Don’t love with a measuring tape around your neck. There are better things that ought to be there. To hell with the height and all that shizz. Love like there is no tomorrow!

 

Recently I fell in love with my colleague, but have found that he’s three years younger than me. Do you think there could be a problem later on in life due to this? After all men are generally more immature than women?

Wow, that is good to hear! I like these combos. Much like an exquisite vintage red with the finest Gruyere cheese. Lipsmacking to say the least.

Nah, you won’t have a problem at all, save the grey streaks before the man in your life. Enjoy every moment of this. True love is beyond this. But, yes, one of you may have to leave. Lovey dove pairs may not be allowed to last too long in a corporate. Rules are rules darling!

Dr Know’s Gyaanology: Don’t you dare miss the positives. He will remain eternally young, stud like virile and full of excitement. How many women can say all this about their royal consorts?

So, yes, lie back and enjoy it darling. Just ensure you keep the nubile young things far far away!  Better still, have implicit faith in your man. If he does love you genuinely, he’s not gong anywhere no matter how many hugs and mwahs are exchanged.

 

I have a very simple question, but need an urgent reply: how safe are contraceptives?

So sorry, sweetheart. It takes us a day to respond. I hope you’re waiting and not copulating… oops I meant contemplating!

Safe contraceptive? No, no, contraceptives are not safe. The very fact that you need it urgently means you aren’t in the safe period. Right, baby?

But why this Kolaveri di? Oops, I mean why this urgency?

Take your time, do your research, check with Dr Know and then do the thing! Understood darling? Stop being so naive. You know all about the birds and the bees and the stings and the….. !

Dr Know’s Gyaanology: Contraceptives are of various types ranging from the simple condom or sheath to the oral contraceptive pills, spermicidal creams and pessaries, Intra Uterine Devices and so on.

All of these are considered safe albeit a few reported side effects and yet none of these can be termed 100% foolproof. There is always a risk of pregnancy for as long as you have your uterus and ovaries in place!

This is as fundamental as I can get on this subject. If I go on then these hulks at Pune365 may think that I am pitching for that gynac job!

If safety according to you is being foolproof then nothing is.  Nevertheless, Since I am Dr Know I can suggest a 100 % foolproof method of contraception. Just adopt celibacy, shave your head and proceed on a one-way ticket to the Himalayas. There is sweet nothing you can do there, so there is no need of contraception.

 

Time to say cheerios my sweeties! Be good and have fun in the rains. Mail me at editorial@pune365.com putting Dr Know in the subject line

Illustration by Suraj Lokare