The Pune Missile Program Explained

Civic Sense
Image used for representation only.

I bet you didn’t know the Indian missile programme had its origins in our very own city, Pune…

I know science isn’t really a priority read for most of my esteemed readers but that doesn’t matter. This is about the missile programme and you must know how this all started.

The year was 1997.. We had just moved lock, stock and barrel from the ever-lethargic town of Kochi. Baby, potty and bags we stood like dumbstruck tourists outside the arrival gate of this building they called an airport.

As luck would have it, the two burly young chaps (who were sent by my predecessor) to fetch us were deep in slumber.

Different matter that we had arrived at the civilised hour of noon. First lesson in the new city. Every night is a party. Most young men and women are intended to sleep the next day.

Airport duty and more so, to fetch their new boss isn’t practical nor appreciated. But that’s ok. A few anxious moments later, we were being driven to our guesthouse by these fun chaps..

No garbage strewn around, clean roads and much foliage.

“Wonderful,” we remarked.

Famous last words, for the very next year began the city’s relentless efforts to create an unique missile programme that is unparalleled in focus and skill.

All the effort paid off. Today, we can boast of several types of missiles that have been indigenously developed. From the famed ‘Brahmos’ kind to the short-range water-resistant ‘Ochre’ ones. Pune is fortunate to also have created the ‘Twirling black’ ones that are highly potent and have the capacity to be bone shattering, depending on payload.

Let me explain the science behind these variants. Punekars have this amazing fetish for cleanliness and in the process, all things unwanted must be dispensed with forthwith.

Obviously, the trash cans aren’t intended for daily use and as a result of which, these unwanted objects ( plastic, glass, metal etc etc ) are painstakingly packed into deceptive black carry bags that are tied wth Boy Scout knots and carried into the open..

Riding, driving, swinging, aiming and flinging all at one go!

Multi-tasking at its best, these missiles make their way out onto vehicles, people, animals, walls and at times, garbage dumps. High velocity targeting isn’t easy and this takes months of practice to do this without losing sight of the road you are driving on.

I must confess that I did try this a few times parked right next to a garbage dump and yet missed my target each time. I haven’t had the gall to practice anymore in the best interest of the city and my sanity.

And then there is the ‘Ochre’ variant that is accurately programmed with no accompanying warning or sound.

They come at you from various altitudes depending on where ‘mission control’ is situated. There is the ‘top-down’ model which is invariably from a bus and the bottom-up variety thats from a rick that’s travelling alongside. Now the bottom-up variety has its mission controller using jet propulsion to attain high altitudes. Unfortunately jet fuel doesn’t always work.

And, yes, this amazing wonder is waterproof and the best laundries will reject your plea to have it remedied.

Well, such are the wonders of this lovely city..

P S:
Breaking News! Here’s an update on the deadly missile that’s just been launched.

This bio-weapon is apparently inspired by the common cold. It’s called the cold-pellet. Looks harmless, often used for practice and yet, potentially lethal depending on payload. So while it passes off as a horrid rolled-up tissue, it carries millions of microbes of bacteria that have been painstakingly placed on it. Stay clear.


#Reproduced from the #Pune365Archives

Jaisurya Das

Jaisurya Das

The industry affectionately calls him a Marketing Maverick; Known to be brutally candid with his writing as much as everything else, Jd is a much respected media and brand commentator whose prolific writing sees no boundaries.

Jd also consults in Consumer Neuroscience and Neuromarketing, both of which are integral to his brand interventions.
Jaisurya Das