When Your White Knight has a Dark Side…

April 18, 2017

Feel that heady rush, the undeniable blush and a tummy full of butterflies? Fair warning- you may be falling in love. While reciprocal love is just about the loveliest feeling, begin a relationship and the battle is only half won!

While the start may be a garden of roses, with time some discover that their valiant white knight has a dark side.

This earth-shattering truth is not always easy to stomach says Kiara Wadhwani narrating her story. “When falling in love, you tell your partner everything about yourself- The good and the bad. I was vulnerable when I opened up and told him that my dad physically abused me in my childhood.

“He completely sympathised, but later during fights, he pointed out that I was unlovable and that even my family hated me. That I was meant to be alone. It gave him some sick power over me.

“He willed me to stay despite the abuse, by hinting that I didn’t deserve better. I did walk away eventually though,” Kiara reveals.

Emotional and verbal abuse is not limited to guys however, for Vivek Bansal has been at the receiving end of it from Vaidehi, his first wife.

“Checking my phone and messages in my social media accounts was her common habit when we were dating. Back then, it made me feel wanted and special, but I should have noticed the red flags,” he says explaining that the situation got worse later.

“She had serious control issues. My ex-wife dictated who I hung out with, who I could talk to and even demanded that I stop speaking to a couple of childhood friends. I would have understood were they women, but they were guys I had been friends with for decades!
“I really felt trapped. Over the years, she tried to exercise control over every aspect of my social and professional life which sadly lead to the dissolution of my marriage,” he completes sorrowfully.

Alas, not everyone has the courage to stop the abuse or end a toxic relationship. Nalini Shamrao gives us some insight into her side.

“Ours is a two states relationship,” she says adding that she is a South Indian while her beau Vasik is a Bihari. “One of the best things about our relationship is that we come from such different cultures. So trying new food, exchanging traditions and new thoughts is so very interesting.

“But our outlook and upbringing is also very different that has lead to a lot of clashes. For instance, Vasik has a foul temper. He hurled abuses whenever we had even tiny squabbles. These were far worse than the usual ‘MC, BC’ we hear in Pune, so they were really hurtful to me.

“None of my friends or family had ever spoken to me that way, so it was a huge shock. I’ve tried explaining it to him and he has apologised, but his temper often gets the better of him,” she rues.

“Lately, he just calls me crazy for objecting to the verbal abuse and declares that I deserve it,” she adds unhappy about her inability to leave the relationship.

One of the greatest drawbacks of emotional abuse is that it impacts one’s self-esteem.
Individuals with verbally abusive or controlling partners find themselves questioning their self-worth over time.

This is why it is imperative you seek wise counsel and get the help you need to walk away to freedom.