This is the story of a man who had a drink too many and what followed was nothing short of sacrilege for more than one reason…
A broken sacrum later, my dear buddy saunters in quite nonchalantly the second day of the year 2018. We met as usual over lunch and he sat down quite gingerly. Well, a bit too gingerly for my liking.
And this is where this story all starts and I must confess that despite what he said and felt, it was still roll on the floor funny. And all things hilarious and unique must be shared with my dear readers as always.
Now, there is this one time, his salt and pepper wisdom didn’t allow for the standard check of labels on the beer he bought to ring in the New Year at his buddies.
As you will agree my dear readers, this is much like buying a vada pav without checking if the vada is in there.
Somethings are meant to be done and checking on the vada is one such important matter. Now, this works for beer (ask me, I am just completing my thesis on this subject) and there is no shortcut. If you have to get your beer right, the first thing is to check the brand, followed by the temperature of the bottle. It may also to be prudent to check if the bottle does have anything in it at all.
After all, pilfering a gulp of beer is always a good idea.
Coming back to my buddy BeeKay, he is really a fine chap. Most articulate, well read and a good human being. But this is norm and no matter how high the IQ is, the above steps cannot be skipped.
But as always, immediacy prevailed over wisdom.
The tomato quite simply got defined as a vegetable for the moment and he sauntered off to his party with his stock of beers that rested comfortably in their black carry bag.
One beer down, he obviously decided to knock off the second with his characteristic elan and this is when it all started…
At this stage, the room you are in does start looking more colourful. The lights begin to flash gently if you do make eye contact with them. This is the stage that beer must be sipped and not gulped no matter what brand it is.
Well, sipping wasn’t obviously part of his august repertoire for the merry making this eve and he went after the stuff with the purpose of a raging bull charging towards a matador. What he did forget was that the Spanish never really took to beer.
Some kind soul in this party decided to add to the bull rush and gave him a quick shot. Apparently this did taste of vodka or so he tells me. Now vodka and beer is much the kick in the rear. I did tell him this but by then the sacrum had taken the brunt of his alcohol laced wisdom.
At this stage, it is critical for me to mention that beer does have this unique ability to have you walk to find the nearest washroom every twenty minutes. Actually about ten if you are already two bottles down. Now, my dear readers, this isn’t only about the bladder. This is also about how chronic beer drinkers need to stare in a mirror to see if their eyes are open and their nose is intact resting on the face. The hairdo doesn’t really matter though.
Now with this understanding, our man BeeKay decided to check his face in the mirror among other pertinent issues and returned soon after. Now what he didn’t realise that the mirror reflects your face, but the ground you walk on needs your feet on them, and quite firmly I can tell you from experience.
He reached his chair and his feet did the quintessential helium balloon trick on him and decided to lift off like the virgin galactic. Now rocket propulsion speed isn’t easy to manage. He is a journalist for God’s sake, not a rocket scientist.
Well, the next thing he remembers is him checking on firmness of the ground and interestingly at close proximity.
The broken sacrum at this point was secondary. Amen.
#This is a work of fiction and any resemblance to people, living or dead, is totally intentional.
##Pune365 does not advocate the consumption of alcohol and tobacco, both of which are injurious to health.
Jd also consults in Consumer Neuroscience and Neuromarketing, both of which are integral to his brand interventions.