Now, reading last week’s column may have given you the impression that I am a cantankerous old so-and-so who doesn’t like Pune, and wouldn’t know a happy thought if it was served to me on a platter.
Not so. I will own up to being a cantankerous old so-and-so, and it is certainly true that the lack of anything approaching winter when January is almost upon us has helped me climb rapidly up the League of Extraordinarily Grumpy Gentlemen. True, all true.
But I love Pune. Let that be made known to all corners of this fair city (minus the parts where they’re building the Metro). There are many parts that go into the making of a metropolis, and I love every one of those parts where Pune is concerned. My love for Hinjewadi is conditional on it being a weekend, but you will not grudge me that little qualification, surely.
Plus, and here’s the theme of today’s article, it’s not like you are spoilt for choice as an Indian. If you choose to be among the two out of every five Indians who live in an urbanized environment, then your choices lie between the four so called metros, Bangalore, Hyderabad and Pune. Yes, I’m all too aware that there are other cities in India besides the ones mentioned above, but these, I’d argue, are the big league players. And if that’s the shortlist made available to me, there’s only one name that remains, thank you very much.
Bangalore would have made the list about five years ago, before The Traffic Jam took over the city. Today, there are more cars on Bangalore’s roads than there are notifications emerging out of the RBI. The whole city is basically one big pile-up of cars.The entire Australian landmass moves more towards us in a year than a car on MG Road does on a Saturday evening. And Hyderabad, I’m sorry to report, confidently expects to give Bangalore a stiff run for its money by 2020. That seems to be their stated goal, and they are fully confident of achieving it.
Chennai has the potential, as does Kolkata. But the warmth displayed by the good folk of those cities is put in the shade by the warmth displayed by their weather. A trickle of sweat starts packings its bags for a trip down the back of my neck at the very thought of the humidity in those two cities.
Which leaves us with Delhi and Mumbai. Of these, the former has potential, I grant you that. The food, the winters, the laissez-faire principles they adopt when it comes to pricing alcohol are all major attractions. On the other hand, the summers, the pollution and the road rage give reason for pause. The road rage, especially. The Punekar’s idea of road rage is to raise a hand in a questioning gesture while passing by the offender. Delhi’s population, on the other hand, has trouble distinguishing between road rage and nuclear holocaust.
And the latter? There isn’t enough space and time in the known universe for a Punekar to list all of what is wrong with our neighbours to the north. Mumbai excites in us Punekars a primeval sense of horror. That city is far too crowded, rushed, humid and purposeful for any Puneri’s tastes. Even so, off the top of my head, I’ll cite the humidity, Dadar railway station at 10 in the morning and Andheri (E) at all times of the day as my opening arguments.
And here’s clinching proof, if it still be needed. The good people of Mumbai actually look down upon the habit of downing shutters for a siesta in the afternoon. And if that doesn’t prove them to be daft beyond recovery, I truly don’t know what will.
Which leaves us, as I was saying, with but one choice. If it is to be an urban environment in India, there is only one place to be, and I’m very happy to be in it.
Just don’t get me started on the Metro.
He doesn't expect the paradox to be resolved in his lifetime
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