On Being Monumentally Regular With This Column

Unexpectedly Regular
Image used for representation only

This column, I’m delighted to announce, marks a monumental achievement. A personal achievement, admittedly, but monumental nonetheless. But first, some background.

Your columnist, dear reader, is lazy. There is no getting around this fact, sadly. My friends, my near and dear ones, my professors, all of them led ably by my better half, will cite instance after stinging instance of how the undersigned refuses to get off his rather large backside and Do Something. And I’ll be the first to admit that they’re right.

Part of the reason is because I belong to this rather obscure quasi-religious cult called Do Nothing. For many years now, I have been a devoted adherent to the cult’s eponymous philosophy, and far be it from me to brag, but I have become very good at it. So good, in fact, that I may one day be admitted to the inner council of this cult, where they Do Absolutely Nothing. One can hope, one can dream.

But about a year ago, there fell in my carefully constructed regime of Doing Nothing, a bombshell. A gentleman called to ask if I would be willing to write a weekly column. What about, I asked warily, for this sounded very much like Work. Oh, about Pune, replied the gentleman breezily, but that’s true only in a very broad sense. Write about, he went on to say, whatever you feel like. No restrictions.

That sounded like fun, I had to admit. But I had a doubt, and it seemed like an insurmountable one. I have never, I informed the gentleman, been regular in my entire life. Not to be too meta, I said, but the only thing I have been regular at is being irregular. A man after my own heart, guffawed said gentleman. Don’t worry, I’ll handle the part about you being regular.

And by jove, he was true to this word. Every week, without fail, he has hounded me mercilessly a day prior to column day deadline, reminded me that I need submit my column without tardiness. And so cheerful, gentle and persuasive has the whole process been that I have, blubbering helplessly, found myself churning out column after column, week after week. Some have been about Pune, some have manifestly not (as you keen-eyed lot have no doubt already discerned), but they have been very much there, that much is indisputably true.

And that brings us to the monumental (while being personal) achievement. This weekly ritual has been going on now for a full fifty two weeks. And that, in Kulkarni land, is nothing short of unprecedented. Never before has this kind of metronomic regularity been achieved. And the next time my near and dear ones, or my professors, harrumph in my direction and mutter impolitely about Doing Nothing, I shall maintain my poise, my sang froid and a stiff upper lip, and ask them to look in this direction. Not once, not twice, but a full fifty-two times.

Here’s looking forward, then, to the next fifty two columns, and from the bottom of my heart, thank you very much for reading.


#Editors Note: As you may have noticed, we do not take hints and consequently the reminders will continue unabated. We look forward to yet another Kulkarni year on Pune365.

May the force be with you Ashish. 

Ashish Kulkarni

Ashish Kulkarni

Ashish is a confirmed Punekar, which guarantees eternal undying love for the city, but also mandates an incurable sense of cynicism about it.

He doesn't expect the paradox to be resolved in his lifetime
Ashish Kulkarni