When You Are Told More Than You Need To Know.

July 23, 2017

34399781 - closeup of city taxi sign at night — Image used for representation only

“Why do you engage in conversation with anyone and everyone?” a friend from India asked me; In an uber, on the subway, in a restaurant or even walking on the street? America is a country where there is information regurgitation. Whether you like it or not, whether you need to know or not, whether you care or not, you are told more than you need to know.

Take the time I was in an uber travelling back home after a late night. All I could think of was getting home to my warm bed, but I got a particularly chatty uber driver. He was from Egypt and had only been in the country seven years or so. Much to my shock he began telling me how lonely his life is in the country and how he has never had sex with a woman. Of course I immediately thought he was trying to hit on me. But as he continued his tale of woe, I realized he was genuinely confiding in me because he felt, as an Indian, I would empathize with his cultural predicament. His family expected him to marry someone they chose but were in Egypt. He needed to earn money and had no time for a social life. I nodded and murmured appropriately willing my ride to end soon.

Then there is a curiosity factor like casually asking a waitress what she hopes to do and then getting her whole life story of being kicked out of her house, of wanting to become a dancer, of waitressing to pay her way through school, of being abused as a child and it goes on and on. Once a waiter in a restaurant was taking too long to respond to an order and when called over, instead of apologizing for the delay, he gave us the low down on how he was trying to sort out the cheque for the next table and it was taking time and as soon as he dealt with that issue he would be over. I wanted to cover my ears. But, surprisingly, I too have become like my fellow countrymen and tend to give extra information. I find myself asking questions and responding in kind.

My Indian friends do not get it because in India, we would never indulge in such detailed conversation with cabbies, waiters or any stranger. I cannot seem to explain this phenomenon and why it’s different here. I have become used to it now.

However, the local train in Bombay is an example of camaraderie taken to another level. Family problems are sorted on the ride. Vegetables are chopped on the train and a whole life is enacted. In contrast, the US is a complete dichotomy. Technology has given rise to the concept of phubbing. If you are riding the subway, you do not even look up at your fellow passenger. Everyone is absorbed in their smart phones. At a restaurant, the cell phone has a chair for itself. I am also guilty of this. I need to check in or respond to messages and mails in real time. I want to take selfies and pictures and post them immediately. In fact, I think everyone’s most satisfactory relationship is with their cell phone. Apps are the number one love, more than anything or anyone else. Even social life is dictated by dating apps.

Apps may have taken over how we socialize, but a story I heard from a desi recently had me in splits. He was a thirty-something successful man posted on the islands, where he met a stunning girl of Indian origin. He wanted to date her and but had to formally ask her father. When he went to her house to fetch her, her entire family, from grandfather to cousin, sat down to grill him. How much did he earn? How tall was he? Where was his family? What were his intentions? And so on and so forth? If it hadn’t been for the fact the girl was gorgeous and had already been intimate with him, the man was ready to drop her like a hot potato and run for his life. All he wanted was fun but Indians who leave in the 30’s and 40’s are stuck in a certain mind set.

In fact, subsequent waves of immigrants are stuck in their own vision of India. I know many Indians who arrived in the 80’s and early 90’s. They are stuck in India of that time even though India has moved in leaps and bounds. It may not necessarily be for the better but Indian kids from India are way more savvy than the Indians from small towns in America. For Indian kids in America, spelling bees and arangetrams are par for the course. I think I have attended only one arangetram in all my years in India!

Of course that does not mean I do not take pride when a young Indian American girl correctly spelt ‘marocain’ and clinched the Scripps bee for the twelfth year running.
Viva India!