This Is The Crust Of The Matter

Image used for representation only


Every now and then, I must admit, this column plumbs the depths of triviality.

I am my harshest critic, and I will be the first to admit that I have, in the past, dwelt on matters not exactly crucial and pressing. There have been columns on traffic, and the Pune metro, and buses (or rather, the lack of them) and such like. This is true. But equally, in my defence, I must also cite the times I spoke about how to order food, about whether food should be eaten hot or cold and about the superior quality of Puneri butter chicken.

And today, you will be glad to know, I speak of another such urgent matter that lies at the very heart of civilized society..

Do you, dear reader, or do you not, reader, cut off the edge of your sandwiches?

For I, like any other fair minded individual who has his or her head screwed on right, find my sandwiches immeasurably improved when they are sans any trace of crust. They are then malleable, soft and pleasingly uniform in terms of texture, as opposed to being dry, mealy mouthed and suddenly, jarringly, different in terms of texture.

This much ought to be self evident and practically a law by now in any advanced society, but it is my painful duty to have to inform you that this far from being the case. Indeed, even in my own home there exists more than one opinion on this matter.

Just the other day, sandwiches were procured for our midday meal. They consisted of succulent meat, piquant mustard, and other sundry (but equally delicious) fillings. I was in charge of plating the meal, and being the loving, caring husband that I am, I proceeded to saw off the offending edges of one half of these sandwiches. I had finished the job to my satisfaction, and was about to embark on perfecting the other half of the meal, when I was rudely interrupted by a squeal of outrage from the Missus.

We then proceeded to have a free and frank exchange of views on this matter. Most of our exchanges are f and f, as an aside. Newbie couples and singles find this a little disconcerting, but allow me to assure you, it is the best way to prolong your career as a spouse. End of aside.

The wife’s arguments mostly consisted of showing me how the edge of the sandwich tasted truly wonderful, especially when had on its own, only dabbed with a little bit of ketchup. I kept my arguments simple. They mostly consisted of pointing out to her that she was talking through her hat. Matters, unfortunately, remained unresolved, and have been added to the very long list of Things We Shall Forever Disagree About (ghee, Simon Baker and a song about a jalebi from Afghanistan being some examples. I adore the first item on this list, and she the rest of them).

And so, as if often the case with this column, I ask you, dear reader, to ask yourself a question that will lead to greater self-awareness, self-realization, and a discovery of where you lie on the connoisseur-of-good-things-in-life spectrum. With or without edges?

And if it is to be the former, drop me an email, dear reader. I shall include you in my prayers.

Ashish Kulkarni

Ashish Kulkarni

Ashish is a confirmed Punekar, which guarantees eternal undying love for the city, but also mandates an incurable sense of cynicism about it.

He doesn't expect the paradox to be resolved in his lifetime
Ashish Kulkarni