The Ultimate Guide To Surviving A Pune Traffic Jam

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Here is something which can help you calm down while you are traversing the traffic choked roads of this wonderful city of ours. Being already condemned to a stop-start-stop journey to office or home, here are a few things you can do to really take your mind off the stress you are going through.

So just put aside the jerks who have caused you so much pain on the road and look at their postures, style and the way they drive as they scurry down the lanes as if the world is going to end.

Here are some examples which you should not miss at any cost:

Edge of the Seat Suspense: Riding the two-wheeler from the edge of the seat as if the road is going to eat them up. The comfort of the cushion is sacrificed for some sadistic reason. Manoeuvring is an art form.

Tapori Rock: Entertainment is guaranteed. Young blokes in jockey/harem-type jeans, tight T-shirt with colours of the rainbow, latest haircut with bun to boot, a earring display and the breaststroke on the road at high speeds. They weave in and out, and go up and down which can qualify them for the next Olympics.

Pythagoras Theorem: These are the interesting lot of two-wheeler riders. The legs on the foot rest are always at around 45 degrees angle for reasons unknown. Refer Pythogoras for more details.

Star Gaze: This breed of car drivers have been there since time immemorial. They always sit at around a 30-degree angle on the seat, inspired no doubt by the many old Indian film stars who did over the years. It’s style even if it is uncomfortable.

Stiff Upper Lip: Prerogative of the rich and famous mostly. Sit stiff, look snobbish and don’t glance while driving the latest model of a top brand. The raised eyebrow is the done thing for traffic offenders they come across.

Three is Company: Why three even four will do on a teeny-weeny two-wheeler seat. If proper progress is achieved, it can be counted as one of the miracles of God.

Low Rider: Boys will be boys. Have a big bike do justice by riding low and fast on the extreme right of the road instead of the usual left. Danger and Death always hovers but they don’t car for anyone in the front or the rear.

Predator: The boss of the road who stops in the middle of it while he decides where to turn, the rest of the traffic be damned. They are fondly referred to as Gunta Mantris.

Left is Right: Overtaking from the left is a must, come what may. Bike riders are adept at this.

The Cutters: Weave to the left, weave to the right and they feel they are alright. They don’t care if others are not alright.

Rest In Peace: This applies to rickshaw drivers who rest one of their legs on the seat or sit cross-legged while manoeuvring their precarious three-wheeler. May have RIP after their names any given moment.

The Pushers: Push your vehicle as far as possible during jams and get ahead somehow, anyhow.

The Blockers:  They create a traffic jam within the traffic jam by keeping going at all costs, forming new lanes on even a single lane road. The resultant logjam can take hours to resolve.

Ambulance Drivers:  Oh for the Sound of Silence.

Tempo/Bus/Lorry Drivers: Death, where is thy sting?