Stop Messing Around With My Home, My Saturn


Coming to think of it, our solar system is quite strange. In case it hasn’t occurred to you it is slowly but steadily becoming the largest junkyard in the universe.

No, contrary to what you may think I am no looney on the run, I assure you.

And this one time, I can promise you of my sobriety too. I am a complete tee-totaller at work, even if it means that I get my tea in a 1.5-inch paper cup that needs to be held gingerly between the thumb and index finger. Mind you, it is exceedingly important that the cup is held queen like with utmost grace, for any violent movement may lead to a ‘tea in orbit’ scenario..

But this isn’t the point really.

The point is  that our cities are junkyards already and the only hope I had in hell to escape all this garbage, was to migrate to another planet. In case you have forgotten, our man Stephen Hawking advised us on this matter of relocation just a few months ago.

It must be understood than unlike most of you, I believe in science and hence listen to his complex instructions.

So, as i was saying,  I was getting all our documents in place for the impending migration, when I chanced upon the state of affairs in outer space. Trust this digital world to play spoil sport just when you have everything sorted but this isn’t about all this..

This is a very serious matter.

Cassini spacecraft moving towards Saturn.

Every space-mature country is sending up satellites, probes and landing devices; consequently a lot of them keep failing or end up completing their assignments before they float around..

Now, have you ever wondered what really happens to all these huge metal monstrosities that look like overfed aliens ?

Well, I for some god forsaken reason decided to research this and found to my horror that they are abandoned, or deliberately killed and put to rest in some planet’s atmosphere.

Now, all this very good since we are sit far away but have you thought of what will happen when I eventually get my papers and migrate ??

I land in a pile of garbage, albeit very expensive. The brutal truth.

I had decided on the Moon, since Mars was out of the question. For the record, I cant handle so much red.

Now both these places are a mess too, and I had made up my mind; no more garbage for me so I checked on the interesting one with the rings.

Saturn seemed nice and clean and has these interesting rings so, it could be good place to party. Believe me, this time I had it all sorted. We were just working on the shopping to be done to be ‘in sync with the rings’ and just then, the universe conspired against me..

Our friend Cassini that went up to figure Saturn has done its job and in a few hours from now will take the final plunge into Saturn.

I mean, how inconsiderate can we get!

Cassini mission ends.

Years of research to study how to get there and then you build this contraption that sends you dope on everything you wanted to know and then you brutally kill the damn machine right there and mess up the place.. !

Space research just baffles me. Cassini will dive and many others will follow too…

Imagine our alien brothers and sisters running for cover each time some country decides to get some damn thing to dive into them. And then we say, we are nice people and you must keep your city and home clean. ‘

The time has certainly come for us Earthlings to behave!

And yes, for now I am staying put here. Amen.


Inset Images Source :

Jaisurya Das

Jaisurya Das

The industry affectionately calls him a Marketing Maverick; Known to be brutally candid with his writing as much as everything else, Jd is a much respected media and brand commentator whose prolific writing sees no boundaries.

Jd also consults in Consumer Neuroscience and Neuromarketing, both of which are integral to his brand interventions.
Jaisurya Das