There are four words in a man’s dictionary which sends the shivers down the spine and turns a happy human being into a nervous wreck.
“Will you marry me” – it’s so simple and sweet. But ask any man and he will tell you a tale which may tug at your hearts strings.
It’s a shame really that these words are often mandatory to make it to the other side. It can be texted, or voice recorded – but that isn’t romantic. The fact is most women want to hear those words in person, preferably on bent knees.
Believe me, there is a lot of effort being put into it before a man musters up the courage to pop those words to the love of his life. Preparations have to begin early as more often than not, as D Day arrives, the whole thing could face further delays on account of the spine turning into jelly.
So what does a man really do to get there? This is a Herculean task which is worthy of a Nobel Prize for Applied Science.
Roughly three months or thereabouts before the dreaded day of reckoning, the man sets a carefully-laid trap. He starts complimenting her vigorously at first. Even if the green top doesn’t match the beige skirt, he tells her she looks a million dollars.
The usual topics regarding movies, actors, food etc are carefully interspersed with references to weddings of close friends or famous personalities. This is a genteel way to focus on the topic of marriage. After a few days the merits of getting married are referred to casually so that the girl may get the message that all this is serious. Responses are rare.
However, the man keeps his fingers crossed and hopes that she may just jump on it and propose to him herself. Come on, don’t kid yourself.
Then the man wakes up to another important fact. He needs to be better groomed and fit to make a fresh impression. Work begins on that at the malls and the gym.
Worse still, he must come across as an intellectual and not some degenerated creature whose knowledge is restricted to the latest games available on the Sony Playstation.
So libraries see a new entrant who makes quick notes of some of the master philosophers. Sticking to reviews only and a few quotations is the easy way out.
They must be always attentive enough to nip any extended philosophical talks in bud to avoid ignorance. A few knowing nods later, topics should be changed to the weather or current movies.
Newspapers, which were used to wipe shoes, are now being glanced at to update on what’s happening where.
Those intellectually stimulating movie or serial channels have to be sacrificed for the boring, monotonous news ones.
While all these Machiavellian schemes are in place, the D-Day is planned carefully.
A few days before that, praticising those four words in front of the mirror is the done on a daily basis. As D-Day arrives, a nice restaurant or a lovely outdoor surrounding is chosen. Confidence is being built up by talking to friends about it. Bragging about how easy it is brings about a false sense of confidence and even bravado.
However, the confidence drops as the moon gets higher in the sky. In such cases, it is advisable to get totally sloshed as a hangover the next day can actually prove beneficial. It will provoke a feeling ‘to get over it as soon as possible’. It may work or may not work.
If it doesn’t happen, then bawl and go back several places and start again. Or do the decent thing for you and your efforts.
Evoke the savage which you once were in you. Go Neanderthal.
Just grab her, shower burning kisses on her face, grunt and growl out those four words.
There is an excellent chance you will get handsomely rewarded for your efforts. Else go down the arranged marriage path and let Mama and Papa do the talking…
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