There is a point in one’s life that makes one believe, that one needs an overhaul of image and perception. Well, I allowed myself to believe that the time had come for the much necessary fillip to my persona…
Now, this isn’t as easy as it sounds and more so, considering my shaved head and a beer belly for good measure. Image management I am told, works best when you are bestowed with a good muscular physique.
Coming to think of it, I wonder why my friends in image management charge bucket loads of money to work on all this, when all the meat is already there.
Anyway, that isn’t the point of all this. I have decided to work on my image and I thought it would be a good idea to be fashionably ‘in’ with the crème de la crème of society and begin to eat their fare.
So Sunday it was, when I informed the missus of my glorious intention to move up a few notches with our diet for a start.
Out must go the impoverished plantains and papayas. There is no place for such partisan indulgence. Fruits must be henceforth exotic and served with a dash of snootiness.
Pleasantries out of the way, I set off on this drive to a large fruit vendor to stock up on the fancy aberrations to our frugal fare. As luck would have it, he was well stocked up with kiwis that apparently were imported from New Zealand, though they all carried colourful stickers resplendent in Mandarin. So much for global cooperation I imagined.
But the kiwis alone won’t do and the roving eye then landed on this fancily weird-looking fruit that had the tentacles of a gnarled octopus.
Bright pink and individually wrapped, these things were called Dragon Fruit apparently.
Now the dragon bit obviously had a very Chinese feel to it, much like a manchurian that is peppered with dhania powder…
Much haggling later, I bought this and very gingerly carried it home.
I must add that this was accompanied by much glee and a feeling of achieving the impossible. I had bargained it down by half and got away with it all, quite nonchalantly.
It isn’t easy pulling this off with the characteristic élan of an expert on Dragon Fruit, but I did, and that is the point of this story.
I was told quite authoritatively that this is best eaten chilled and hence ought to be placed yet again, gingerly in the fridge, until it is suitably brought down to 11 degrees celsius for consumption.
I must confess that my patience was beginning to run out, considering the imminent need to work on this image I briefed you all on, in the earlier paragraphs.
But, as always I allowed the wife to decide on these things, considering her deep understanding for all things that grow on the ground and under it. A green thumb of the highest order.
Well, much foliage later, I was told that this would be served to me along with lunch and fruits are best eaten before the meal. I was also served an explanation of how fruits must be prevented from getting fermented in our colon and hence food just after the fruit and not the other way around. I seriously wonder why the fruit salad is served at the end of a meal but that is a different matter.
I don’t question wisdom and more so when it is the missus. Somethings are best not attempted.
Coming back to the core of this story, the Dragon Fruit was systematically dismembered and I was made privy to this bowl of white cubes that had black highlights in them.
It did look a bit like fancy cheese that lost its orientation and had a roll in some sesame or mustard, but I guess, this is where the wheat separates from the chaff.
One is not used to such raised bars of gastronomy. I come from Punnayurkulam, a remote village in Kerala where fruits begin and end with coconuts and jackfruits the size of meteors.
With a flick of the fruit fork if you please, the cube was delicately placed on the tongue and chewed upon tenderly.
I must tell you, my dear readers, that if there is anything in this world that can be so wonderfully tasteless, it is this individually packed wonder, the Dragon Fruit. To put it mildly, toothpaste that is flavourless would be bliss under the circumstances albeit the faint crunch of tempered mustard.
The long and short of all this, is the spontaneous decision that was taken to stay where I began with respect to my image.
There is nothing better than the innocuous papaya my friends, nothing. Amen.
Jd also consults in Consumer Neuroscience and Neuromarketing, both of which are integral to his brand interventions.