How To Act Sick And Get Away With It

August 8, 2018

Sick employee — Image used for representation only

There are those who are sick and there are those who are not so sick but act very sick.

If you have digested the above, you will realise that there are many humans in this world who use their sickness to gain sympathy from fellow humans and actually sadistically wallow in it.

Well you can’t help human nature, can you? A mild cold can sometimes become an extraordinary condition for some, where only misery and depression awaits. Or so they say.

And there are some who pretend to be ill even if they are not. This is a psychological disorder which is called Munchausen’s Syndrome.

Here are some ways to can fool people by acting sicker than sick and gain lots of sympathy or even an occasional tear.

Sneeze: If you want to draw attention to the fact that you have a mild cold, sneeze as loudly as you can. Prolong the Ach and go chooooooo in a loud and clear way. Heads must turn to prove effectiveness. This will establish that you have a cold. There will be many comments and advice aplenty.

Cough: Again prolong a cough so that it sounds like the death knell. Double up to make it sound worse. Keep coughing regularly in the same way and don’t forget not to. Also cough when someone else is speaking to prove helplessness.

Fever: Look low, feel low. Occasionally touch your forehead to indicate that you may have fever. If you can shiver randomly, then you’ve got it made. Also wear three sweaters and a jacket in 35 deg C heat and shiver, saying you think you have high fever.

Tests: Look as sick as possible and sigh. If someone questions what’s wrong say you are awaiting results of some tests. Sigh again. This is sure to arouse curiosity and sympathy. Keep it up as much and as long as you can.

The Walk: Walk really slowly, dragging your feet and panting occasionally. This will create an effect of some illness or the other. If questioned, the one above should be the answer.

Limp: Limp with a pronounced effect. The leg must be pulled along slowly and noticeably. Even if it is a mild strain, say that you had a bad fall and suspect a fracture or torn ligament. After a few days of non-stop sympathy, say it was a bad sprain to avoid questions on splints and plasters.

Eyes Wide Shut: This is good. Slump on your desk frequently and pretend to take a one-minute nap too. This is a good thing to do while feigning sickness. If you need the day off to watch a film, do it in front of your boss.

The Wall: Lean on a wall limply and pretend to slide down before you pick yourself up. This will evoke a reaction instantly.

Smile: Don’t smile please when pretending to be ill. Else you give the game away and have to start all over again on another day.

Plan: Fail to plan means plan to fail.