Monika’s Musings: Fresh, off-the-boat moments in Amrika…

July 8, 2016

My ties to the US began long before I moved here two years ago. They started during my teenage years and solidified during the years I spent studying here, having my children and visiting every year for the last two-plus decades. Is it any wonder I believed I am quite American and apart from my brown skin, would have no problem blending seamlessly into life here? Right? Wrong?

Embarrassingly I have my fair share of fresh off-the-boat moments.

Take the other day. I was driving to meet a friend. I punched the directions into Google Maps and was happily driving along until I came across a cop car parked right in my path. The car ahead of mine crossed across to the opposite lane, slowed down by the cop car, exchanged a few words and then carried on. “Aha”, I thought to myself, “I can pass too.” I also crossed across to the other lane and continued driving past the cop car. Suddenly, I heard the dreaded sound of sirens going off and screeched to a stop. I diffidently backed up and stopped by the cop car. We stared at each other for a few seconds and then I sheepishly asked if he had called me back. He looked at me like I was crazy and announced the road was closed. I was stumped. The other car had driven past so I had assumed I could too. More to the point, my mind went into freeze mode and I had no idea what to do next. I squeaked out that my GPS had not told me the road was closed. As soon as I got the words out, I knew how lame I sounded. By now the cop was probably thinking all sorts of things about dumb immigrants over-riding the country and I was cringing in my fit-flops. He continued staring me down and said the GPS probably did not know. Like a fourth grader, I urged him to tell me what to do. In his most stentorian voice he asked me to reverse and take another route. Now cops have always terrified me. Even when I am not in the wrong, I try and steer clear from them. This time I was clearly doing something wrong and I was so petrified about getting a ticket or being abused by him I immediately started backing up to try and turn around. I ran over some of the orange cone road dividers in my anxiety and simply enhanced my ‘fob’ moment. Even now, with the sanctuary of days gone by, I shudder at my stupidity and helplessness.

I try so hard to blend in and not behave like someone who has just arrived into the country, circumstances like this make me realise there is still so much I need to learn!

Take the time an aunt agreed to host a surprise birthday party for another aunt. It was my idea and she provided the venue while leaving the inviting of guests in my capable hands. I got a little bit enthusiastic. “Athithi devo bhava’ and all that jazz. I invited family members from up and down the east coast and as far inland as Indiana. When my aunt found out she was horrified. “Who was going to cook for so many people? Where would everyone sleep?” Her concern was valid but my “Indian mentality’ could not process it. I figured we could order out and put mattresses on the floor. It seemed like a no-brainer to me but the concept of ‘the more the merrier’ obviously does not resonate here. I forget we have to do everything ourselves and have no staff to help. My aunt is much older and it would have been a big work load for her. Entertaining my style could quite easily become a veritable tohubohu. Another valuable lesson learnt.

And then there is the saga of the ‘V’ and the ‘W’. I am conscious but every once in a while I mispronounce and become the butt of all jokes. So I am ‘wery’ conscious about “walidating’ my status and not leaving it ‘wague’. In fact, I am out to prove my versatility and my ability to vanquish all barriers to my ‘desi in America’ status.

Stay tuned for further conflicts between my “Indian” persona and my “Amrikan” avatar.

Monika Patel – Monique to her friends – is now a permanent resident of New York City, but her heart is permanently in our city, her home for 28 years. Monika’s Musings appears every Friday on Pune365.