I have been Dumped in all my Relationships

Here are questions from readers that were addressed by leading psychiatrist Dr Manish Bajpayee. The identities of the solution-seekers have been withheld to protect their privacy. You too can send your questions at editorial@pune365.com

I have always been dumped in all my relationships and this has really lowered my self-esteem. I don’t feel confident about myself and I feel inadequate. All my relationships have failed and I blame myself for it. How can I overcome my low self-esteem?

Firstly, low self-esteem could come from a feeling of abandonment or depression. Regarding the failure in your relationships, maybe you have a tendency to be with people who are sabotage and have the wrong ideas and wrong expectations. If you want your relationship to flourish, you have to talk it out and map out exactly what you want from it. You may consult a therapist to understand your low self-esteem problem better.

Doctor, the other day my 11-year-old son asked me about sex and what it is. I didn’t know how to respond because I wasn’t prepared for it. But now, I have decided to have a healthy talk with him. How can I do this without making it awkward? I do not want to overexpose or scandalise my son.

Yes, you shouldn’t scandalise or overexpose your son. You should be very honest with him. You should mention how sexual relations occur in a very non-excitable way. You may should him line diagrams however, they shouldn’t be too explicit. The process of how he came to be can be told as a story. As the child gains puberty, you may tell him more about the act. But most importantly, you should give him a setting about how it occurs and how he came to be.

Hi doctor. I have recently developed an impending fear that everyone pretends to be my friend because I’m sensitive. As if they’re scared that I’ll do something drastic. This has resulted from my ex-girlfriend having done that and continuing the relationship. How do I cope with this recent found distrust?

You will cope with this in time. In case, you are depressed, they you should speak with a counselor. Some relationships are meant to be broken and you will always meet new people, through your work or something else. You shouldn’t make a big deal of it. You just have to move on. This is life. It is cruel world out there.

Dear Doctor, is there a way you can explain existentialism from a psychological perspective? What impact does an existential crisis have on one’s mind and behaviour?

An existential crisis occurs during adolescence and you tend to question your existence in this world. You tend to think about your purpose and you realise that you have to contribute to the world. You may realise that you are not meant for something big but the key is to live in the moment. It happens with everyone. You should set goals for yourself. It will help you out.


Dr Manish Bajpayee

Dr Manish Bajpayee

Dr Manish Bajpayee is a consultant psychiatrist in Pune with over 20 years of extensive clinical experience in assessing and treating clients with a range of psychological problems and other mental health related issues. He is currently a consultant with Inamdar Hospital and Ruby Hall Clinic. Dr Bajpayee addresses reader queries every other Thursday on Pune365.
Dr Manish Bajpayee