As we travel through the US meeting family and loved ones, an underlying question always lies around what is home? Is home in the US? Will it eventually be Pune? Will their parents move? Are their children getting the best life there is?
It’s also a question that gets thrown at me and the husband in reverse. Are we happy living in Pune? What is it like? Isn’t it amazing to have house help, chauffeurs and so many friends around?
And yes, where would kids grow up? Is it better to have the love of grandparents and cousins in India? Or will open parks, clean beaches and a better education system help mould their futures better.
The more I see and the more I ask, I realise there is no right answer. For those making it a point to come to Pune every year, like most of my friends do – the reasons to return for some are shrinking. Like a friend with a young child says, “Every time I come to Pune, I meet one friend less. You just aren’t on the same bandwidth anymore.” For others, from qualifying Pune as home when asked – they have slowly begun qualifying their city in the US as home… The change though over time, is visible!
For those of us living in Pune, the answers are not simple either. While we are happy to have family, friends and cousins help in raising kids or be there when we are sick, the lack of infrastructure is frustrating. Being caught for an hour in a traffic jam in the rains for a 4km distance creates much angst about the quality of our lives back at home and we often wonder if we should have taken that opportunity to work and live abroad.
The questions get complicated when it comes to kids. I am seeing cousins move a sprawling home to give their children access to best public schools in the US. As competition grows from Chinese, Korean and other Asian students, they are pushing their kids into as many classes as kids in Pune go through over a weekend. The race for marks is visible at both ends to secure their future.
And I realise that every answer is really up to us. There is no right or wrong way. Just intent and a strong will to bring up kids a certain way. A cousin’s eight-year-old wants Hindi lessons on Skype and is so excited about visiting India because of Steve McCurry’s coffee table book at home. A friend’s five-year-old daughter is as happy to be instructed in Marathi as in twangy American English.
Kids in the US can grow up with as much warmth and values if the parents take effort of ensuring their connect with Pune or India is available in daily conversations and holidays. They will be as close to grandparents and cousins if a Facetime/Skype routine is set up by parents. And they will be as generous with their time and courtesy, if they see their parents step up.
Or kids in Pune will grow up to be global citizens if parents plan itineraries and schedules to create experiences for them. They will be fascinated by art and museums if we as parents learn to appreciate what’s in our back yard… and they will learn to be as honest and upright as kids in the US are – if we teach them not to bend the system.
What do you think?
Nidhi Taparia has a day job as a senior executive working with a leading transnational. A weekend Puniete, Nidhi left the city 16 years ago to fall in love with Mumbai – but Pune still is her first crush. Diary of a Weekend Puneite appears every Saturday. The views expressed here are personal
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