Just the other day, I was on my way home in the car, when I saw something that made my insides churn…
My apologies to you, dear reader, for when I share this information with you, it is likely that you too, shall experience a series of unpleasant sensations, including the churning of your own interior.
But I fear that this week’s tale cannot proceed without I sharing this information with you, and therefore, at the very real risk of offending your moral compass significantly, here goes:
I saw a hoarding advertising beer yoga.
Regular readers are no doubt well aware about my feelings regarding the first of these two words. Beer, in case you are new in these parts, is proof that god exists, and that he isn’t all that bad.
I have nothing against beer, and never will.
And, I hasten to add, I have nothing against yoga either. Please do not labor under any misapprehension, dear reader, yoga is just fine with me. I have no doubt about it’s physiological, therapeutic and mental benefits, and I wish anybody who is a practitioner of yoga nothing but the very best.
It is, however, a skill that shall forever lie out of my ken. My preferred mode of communication with my toes is bluetooth. I prefer to wink and nod at the sun, as opposed to the kind of salutation that yoga recommends. Vajrasana (look it up) is an interesting theoretical exercise, but ought not to be performed by any member of the human species. Yoga is, in short, quite all right with me, so long as I am not being asked to do it.
But I object, and strenuously, to combining beer and yoga. One is all right, and so is the other, but not the two together.
The poster, my bulging eyes informed me, seemed to indicate that people ought to perform various asanas while holding a mug of beer in their hands, and
Drinking beer, I humbly submit, is an art in which I am as proficient as Michelangelo was at hewing things out of marble. And as an expert, I strongly deplore the idea that the soles of my feet should be touching my posterior while drinking beer. And, I would submit, practitioners of yoga should also strongly deplore the idea of holding a mug of beer while touching the soles of their feet to their posteriors.
It is like Modi and Rahul Gandhi campaigning for the same political party in 2019. They simply do not, if you follow my point, go together.
And so I am very happy to visit the restaurant which advertised this monstrosity and quaff multiple rounds of their beer, and perhaps the missus will deign to visit their premises to explore where the human body stops and elasticity begins, but these will be events indisputably separated by time and space.
And now if you will excuse me. Writing about this horrific assault on my sensibility has shaken me to the very core, and I propose to remedy this by appropriate means. Given that the column has come to an end, and if you are one of my people, perhaps you would care to join me?
Make sure it’s a chilled one.
~~
#All views expressed in this column are the authors and Pune365 does not necessarily subscribe to them. #The use of tobacco and the consumption of alcohol are injurious to health.
He doesn't expect the paradox to be resolved in his lifetime
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