On The Art Of Politicking And Other Matters

 

As I sit back on an armchair enjoying the Republic Day holiday and the long weekend thanks to it falling on a Friday, I ponder over a few random thoughts.

Yes, those who fought for our independence from the British deserve a salute. The chest swells with pride over their achievements. So here we are in 2018, more than 70 years later, enjoying the fruits of the arduous struggle of our forefathers.

Taking another sip of tea (Republic Day is a dry day), I thought about what was needed today to make India even a better place in the future.

The mind then crossed to the frequent words used by our dear politicians today to describe our country’s path to glory. It all boils down to words and phrases.

So I devised my own Dictionary On The Art of Politicking.

Here are a few samples:

Vikas: Banish it. It’s a male name and let’s leave it at that.

Probe: May be launched for appeasement purposes. Usually comes with a two-year shelf life.

Breakthrough: Means “even further from”.

Study: Two years but it could take five. Then another one will be launched and another…

Projects: Live the dream

Project Completion: Add three years minimum to completion date.

Pledges:  For the polls, till the polls alone

Seculars: All those not confirming to certain set of rules

Yoga: Baba Ramdev

Business: Baba Ramdev

Economic Growth: Suit yourself. Call the spin doctor.

Parliament: Permanent holiday at our expense

Speech: The long and short of it – Pappu Can’t Speak Sala

Favourite line: What was done in 60 years can also be done in three.

Healthy Nation:  Overweight politicians

Environment:  What you waiting for? Destroy it.

Elections:  Fair/Not fair

Election Voting Machines:  What’s wrong?

Protests:  Destroy, Destruct

Gay: Abandon

Women: Beti bachao?

Love Jihad:  O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?

Bribe: Babu moshai

Nepotism: Family unity

Unity: Opposition who?

Language: Hindi Medium?

Saab Ke Saath:  Sirf Saath?

Religion: Which state has elections?

Tourism: You know who?

Inflation: Cooking tip

Petrol: Rocket science

Price Rise: What is that?

GST:  Standard time?

Politicians:  Ask Samuel Johnson

Please Note: The gentleman has left the building. He will not be available to face the music indefinitely.

~~

#The views expressed in this article are those of the columnist and Pune365 does not necessarily subscribe to them.