Marriage is such a wonderful institution what with the exciting prospects of living your life with the woman, or man you love.
There are every so many plans to be fulfilled – buying a dream house, having children (only two), a couple of cars for each other and a dog among other things.
It all sounds so idyllic and romantic.
However, shake out of that dream as soon as possible.
Even back in the 17th century, the great bard William Shakespeare knew what all this romantic stuff was all about, when he penned that famous sonnet “Let me not into the marriage of true minds….”
So get realistic and face the drudgery, the responsibilities and of course prepare the defence mechanisms which must be used to avert dispute.
Here is some ammunition that may prove effective in a sticky situation. This is for men only. May I add that this may be tried at your own peril:
Awareness: Be aware and awake at all times. One little slip may lead to a war of major proportions. Shake yourself a bit in the presence of the wife.
She is sharp. There will always be a wrong move at some point or the other, which will raise temperatures, so let the lies flow smoothly and effectively.
Confidence: Lie confidently. But don’t look her in the eye. Don’t look into space either. She will pounce on that. Just walk the talk and pretend to do something.
Checking Out: You can’t help appreciating a good looking woman passing by even in her presence. But that won’t do for her.
So be subtle, use the corner of the eye or a sweeping movement which encompasses the whole scene there. Go left to right and admire and right to left for one more look.
Choice is yours. If she catches you in the act, turn dumb or say that you thought her handbag was Gucci or something and you were checking that. After a decent interval, praise her outfit. It may mollify her a bit but not entirely.
Nights Out: There is always that urge to be with the boys and let the animal spirits flow. But she may not like it if happens alternate days so play smart.
Speak the divine truth once in 20 days. Other times use reasons like stuck in office, boss not leaving, massive traffic jams, met an old friend etc. Be innovative at all times.
Note them down lest you forget and give a repeat performance and face flak.
The Ex-Factor: Don’t mention old girlfriends. If she knows, say that they ruined your life and now you have come as an angel to rescue you.
Play the sympathy card, then praise her profusely and move on.
If you bump into an ex then hurry with a quick hello despite having the urge to talk to her. Pretend to be a stranger if need be. Change direction to stay safe.
Diplomacy: Always be diplomatic. Praise her cooking even if you love your mother’s better.
Say a little prayer before you allow her to drive.
If she says she is looking fat, then say no way and that she is looking even better. Praise her hair regularly.
Truth: Nothing but the truth. You can start choosing friends who will attend your funeral before it happens.