A Complete Survival Guide For Football Widows

Football widows
Image used for representation only

This is a warning for all couples, male or female. Starting tomorrow until July 15, at least one member of the family will go missing from early evening to well into the wee hours of the night.

Before you get alarmed about your partner’s health and well-being, there is no need to panic. He or she is not going to be kidnapped by men in black masks, land up in hospital with multiple fractures after crashing into a divider or fall prey to the wicked charms of a man or woman with loose morals.

If you have been reading the newspaper or checking online, you would have noticed various pictures of men in coloured clothes with thighs like oak trees taking up a lot of space.

Welcome to the world of the Football Widow or Widower.

Yes, the World Cup 2018 gets underway on that date and all good men and women will be firmly entrenched in front of their television sets watching the proceedings with popping eyes, surfacing only to reach for the refreshments -mostly liquids of a strong nature and oil soaked goodies fried in a deep pan.

Those couples who both love the game need not waste their time further reading this as you may have catch up with many things before the Holy Month starts.

Here are few ways to make your time worthwhile while your partner is screaming his head off or doing a jig in front of the TV set. This is from the perspective of a Football Widow with the reverse applying too.

  • Accept the fact that your partner is going to be deaf mute for the duration of the matches. This is important because you can plan many things during this period. So ignore the man and let him have his pleasure. You are now officially a Football Widow.
  • This is the best time to catch up with friends and party. The opposite number will only be interested in liquid refreshments in that period so leave the leftovers for him and go out for dinner with friends. This is the best time to meet up with those you promised “let’s go for dinner one day”.
  • Go shopping (preferably with his credit card). This is the time to splurge as other than football, nothing else matters for him. In fact he may even agree to buy that expensive piece of jewellery which you pined for. Use psychology and ask him during an important phase of a match involving his favourites. You can even try your luck with a car.
  • Visit friends and relatives. You can cover a lot of lost ground here so that they never say – “You never come”.
  • You can go out with a few male friends too on a date. The usually green-eyed monster only has eyes on men darting around with the ball.
  • Get your hair done at leisure without having the male half fidgeting outside and constantly asking “how much more time”.
  • You can catch up with your hobbies. You are free and use the time constructively.
  • If you can’t beat them, join them. You can host football parties at home and pray at least a couple of the womenfolk will chat with you.
  • If you have a spare television set, catch up with your programmes there. If you don’t have one. Demand one. If you have an old one, get a bigger and better one – with his money of course.
  • And if you want get rid of him forever, this is the best time to do so. He will even agree to a divorce during a match involving Germany and Brazil. You can now become a Merry Widow instead of a Football Widow.

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