I was all of 11 when my grandmother tried her level best to get me acquainted with mythology.. It was undoubtedly tough for her. I can recall the stress changing the very landscape of her wrinkled face. She muttered quite nonchalantly “this boy will never learn”.
Little did she know that the world will evolve at breakneck pace to produce several thousand new evils that we will be forced to battle day after day. Unfortunately, this time there is no book of reference from mythology.
The evils of the city or the perils of living as I call it. Every city has its share of malaise that ought not to be there. I wondered till a few minutes ago if Pune would qualify to this elite club of Evil Cities..
Yes we do!!! Congratulations and Celebrations my Puneite brothers and sisters. We have our own list of evils now that this city can do without…
1 Can we have some roads in place, please? And more importantly have one central authority who we can complain to.. I have had enough of this eternal divide; PMC. No no, this is PWD road, sir. And when I finally get their numbers, I am told that this is handled by the highways department.. Now, isn’t there one Boss (of all he surveys!!!) in this place? Can we please have his number or mail ID? I know my mail isn’t going to change the world but it would help ease my frustration.. !
2 Namaskaar, MSEB! …..and there goes the line. Famous last words as the phone will go off the hook instantly after. Amen. I don’t blame these people though, for Monday is Transformer Explosion” day, Tuesday is ‘Single Phase’ day, Wednesday as you are aware is ‘Line Fault’ time, Thursday is ‘Maintenance’, Friday is ‘Steady power’ and the weekend is ‘Pray as hard as you can’ day. I have decided to gift them a copy of the Testament. “And God said let there by Light…” May be this will help… may be.
3 What takes the cake and the carton too is the inimitable spirit of garbage in our city. We have this unique ability to save and hoard. Unfortunately, it’s only garbage and the famed black bags. Some which have the tensile strength of steel and the others, as weak as a badly made soufflé. Join me in praying for the well being of all the garbage bags…
4 Driving is a pastime that the old-timers took too in Pune. We don’t drive, we cruise. More often that once, on the wrong side of the road. Quite something actually. You must try it sometime. It’s quite exhilarating to see cars, bikes, buses and rickshaws coming at you, while you cruise on your bike, hair flying et al. Most of these daredevil riders are geniuses of human engineering. We don’t make them en masse. Thank God for small mercies.
5 All said and done, it’s a lovely place to be in. After all, where else will you find potholes that have road names on them. Think of it. It isn’t easy to break roads soon after you construct them. It takes ingenuity and seasoned contractors to do this. Different matter that the certification authority has just built his new farm house whilst we were negotiating the lunar surface..
6 I believe Chennai is finally exploring some serious de-salinisation stuff. Maybe Pune can pitch in with a few tankers to help them test it. After all we have the biggest tanker lobby in western india. We waste water, we release water and we also supply metal ridden water in rickety old tankers from the pre-historic era. I believe the fancy tap manufacturers have a field time replacing old with new. It’s pretty much an ‘I scratch your back and you scratch mine’ market when it comes to water. Yes, we have plenty of water, in fact 24 hours supply. All it takes is a hefty bill to settle at the end of every month. All in the well here!
7 When was the last time you visited those sand dunes of Arabia? Errr. Desert Safari etc? Worry not, as this doesn’t require a visa any longer. We are proud to present desert tourism in association with the state. All it takes is a good drive on the outskirts of Pune to get the feel of the real thing. Amazing road dunes, animal sightings and above all, dust like never before. That’s one thing the real estate lobby has done. They have made all this possible in every area,, Dust storms of Arabia live and in colour
8 The famed missile launchers of Pune. These are specially trained human beings who need to be given accolades for their skill and precision. They handle betel and untainted saliva with the same velocity. Their sense of timing coupled with the passion to break their own record is worthy of praise..
Stay clear for you may just be their next dart board.
9 The food merchants of the street. The New King Chinese’ corner shares equal space with the ‘Chinese Dragon’ of Wanowrie. Wizards of the wok I call them. Much flavour and ajinomoto is their hallmark. They feed the city with their blood red potion laced with colours that can put industrial dyes to shame. The food is divine, the speed enthralling and yet the Puneri intestine the mute spectator..
10 “Sirji, On the way hai sir. Aap hai na ghar pe?” Now this is the clincher.. This is a broad spectrum illness as the medical fraternity would call it. Carpenters, plumbers, electricians ad service technicians refer to the same gospel when it comes to client handling. If you hear this customary line thrown at you, you can be sure they are at least 15 km away from your place. It’s important to understand that this is the lead time they give you in order for your to complete the more mundane tasks of your life. e.g. Going to work, fetching children from school etc. Not to worry, you can take your time. This is PST (Pune Standard Time) and this translates to 7.35 hrs post GMT.
But, mind you, Pune has an eclectic charm about it.. The chants of Bappa Morya laced with the Modaks of the city, the famed Shrewsbury that regales in Amul Butter and the crunchy Chiwda coming to terms with Amchi Amti…
Heady, hypnotic and much home,.. Yehi Hai Pune Meri Jaan!
Jd also consults in Consumer Neuroscience and Neuromarketing, both of which are integral to his brand interventions.
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